Category: Random Thoughts of Ashleigh Noelle

#MeToo

If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me Too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

It truly broke my heart, seeing so many women on my timelines across my social media platform post their stories. Some just wrote me too, some actually wrote out the events. I wrote and shared a poem (My Truth). It’s insane almost, that so many women have been violated, and it breaks my heart that a lot of men don’t realize how trash they are. It’s like there’s some type of entitlement to our bodies they want to possess in every aspect and its nerve wrecking.

Before the movement started, I posted that I feel like I shouldn’t post selfies anymore. img_7109Why? Because where men see it as “thirst trappin”, I don’t. Most, don’t know how insecure I was when I was bigger, and now that I am smaller, I am happier and I love what I see. I posted this picture, and deleted it, because guys popped up in my DMs with the shits. I got so many messages of “I want you” or “Trappin aint dead” or “look at them titties”, and I deleted the picture. I say with pride and complete honesty, it’s very rare, and I post pictures seeking that kind of attention. Simply because, I don’t like it. I’m a rape survivor. It makes uncomfortable.

With posting Rape Culture, I’ve really began to look at the male species in a different light and I don’t like them. I’ve gotten to the point where, if I want you, you’ll know, but getting that attention that I don’t want from people I don’t like really has begun to fuck with me.

My body is mine, it’s not yours.

On my radio show, I talked briefly about Amber Rose’s Slut Walk, and where everyone saw it as a problem it’s not. Street harassment and slut shaming are so real, and I feel like as a black woman, it’s worse for us because men are very disrespectful. But in my opinion, rape and molestation runs so much deeper, dating back to slavery. This is not new.

Women are constantly oversexualized and although we are the victims, we are always the first suspect. I read so many posts today where women stated that upon reporting their unwanted encounters, the first question they were asked was “what did you do, to make this happen?” or they were told “If you dressed a little better and covered up, this wouldn’t have happened.” I was told the other day “well you have your cleavage out in the picture, you’re sending off the come fuck me vibe”. Pause. Have you ever been in a situation where, you were the victim and became the suspect, and it became a shaming session of how YOU could’ve prevented this, instead of our perps being able to control themselves?

It’s insane and let’s be honest, men get raped too. But society deems them as being weak for talking about it or reporting it. Just like they do when men are abused by their lovers. Victims don’t always get to speak up, because sometimes they don’t make it out alive to tell their stories. Survivors, often are still victimized because while we made it, the trauma experienced, the silenced voice, or the fear of not being believed allows their captives to have power over them. Rape is too common to be pushed to the side, and it blows me so much when there are some people who will lie and cry rape, making it hard for people like me.

It’s been 21 years for me, and I still to this day battle. I don’t go to family functions, because the idea of running into those people, flares my anxiety. Seeing them, flares my depression. I hate the winter, because it reminds me of the day I tried to tell. It reminds me of the multiple ass whoopin’s I got that day, when I tried to say “Your child rapes me”. But what hurts the most, is she knew. She knew, because she walked in, and saw it. She knew, because she made me swear on the bible, that she didn’t see what she thought she saw. She knew. I pride myself and bust my ass to make sure little girl keeps her innocence, to a point, I’m actually jealous. I’m jealous because while my 9 year old can sit comfortably and play with Barbie’s, I at 9 years old, didn’t have such luxury.

I’ve experienced sexual harassment even at work. I was 16 working at a Taco Bell, told my GM that one of her managers had inappropriate conversations about how he wanted to fuck me. A grown ass man in his 30’s, and instead of firing or reprimanding him, she told him my complaints, and it made my experience there hell until I finally decided to quit. That is something that should’ve never happened. Had another guy, when I was 23 working at an Applebee’s, push me into the meat freezer, and pushed up on me. I finally told the GM, and was told “You probably liked it, I see how you smile at him”, smh which was never the case. But that’s what happens when we tell, very rarely does it get handled, there’s always an excuse or we’re somehow chastised and the blame. I love this #MeToo movement, but it’s sad. So many are hurting and are being vocal, and there are so many more, suffering in silence. We have a nation that needs healing. We have a shit ton of broken people walking around, dealing with this. We have to stand together, and make sexual harassment and sexual assault non-tolerable

There’s a special place in hell or sexual predators, and I hope all of mine, are or will reside there in agony. I won’t keep suffering and living in silence. This is my truth, #MeToo.

Besos, my loves.

***We are raising money to apply for our trademark, copyright, non-profit, our coat/school supply drive and Orgasms & Pancakes, which will be a panel discussion on teaching young women how to protect their sexual energy.. If you would like to donate, please do so by clicking here***

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I’m still here…

Hey my loves;
I’m still here. Just waiting on my new laptop so that I can get back to writing. Trying it on an iPhone is doable but it’s a headache 😩. I do have plenty of posts for you guys and we have a giveaway coming soon in celebration of 500 IG followers. Yay!!!

Tracking says laptop will be here by tomorrow. Praying for a miracle it comes today!

Thank you guys for reading even while I’m on a slight hiatus!

Besos, my loves!

Day 112 – Biggest Hurdle? Gone!

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Finally comfortable enough to do this.

I was a fat little oomph. I mean seriously. Size 16 down bottom, 38 H breast, and 1x shirts if not larger depending. I was a nice 225 and while everyone would comment on my weight, good or bad, I personally was at the lowest of my confidence and self that I had ever been. img_6249

See – this is me at 18. A solid 180 lbs., 36 DDD boobies. I was a healthy “thick” weight, for my age. Yet the attention I would get from grown men was a different story. img_6138

Then – I attended Morgan State University, and lost weight. Got down to 160. Hey Me!img_5171

After my first born, I stayed at a good 180 lbs. My tits were nice, my thighs were right and my ass was POPPIN! It wasn’t until my pregnancy with my son, I battled weight the most. In 2011, after giving birth and going from 176 to 215, I hovered at 195. I wasn’t happy but I didn’t have to wear girdles and shapers. I was comfortable. Then, the weight kept increasing. I got to a good 225 and was shopping at Forever 21, and I couldn’t fit my 16’s anymore. 18’s were perfect, and I cried. I remember putting the jeans back, and saying “Fuck that!” and I began my weight loss journey.

Being that big, I didn’t have the support I needed or wanted. My mom would always say I’m fat. I should stop eating. I need to lose weight. Hell, she even offered to pay my gym membership and where she saw it as her trying to help me, she was hurting me. Already being one clinically diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I was the person who would turn to liquor and food to curve my bad days. Those things didn’t hurt my feelings, they were always there when I needed them.sapa

2/15/13 in the wee hours of the morning, my stupid and drunk ass, passed out behind the wheel of my car, and ended up on railroad tracks somewhere in South Baltimore. Two men were around and helped me, but it could’ve gone really bad and I could’ve lost my life, or killed someone. So I began to slow down my drinking. I got married 04/24/14 and the week after, I had emergency surgery to get my gallbladder removed. Now, I don’t really know why, but the removal of my gallbladder put me in a place where it was time for me to get healthy and better.

Fast food, junk food, greasy food all made me sick and feel extremely yucky. I wasn’t happy with my weight. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. So I began to work to lose the weight. I started out with a few online challenges (Thank you Coach Taryn!) and realized losing weight isn’t just about losing weight. It’s a lifestyle change. I had to change my mentality and my approach on everything. From 225, my goal weight was 180. I made it see…img_2507

But with my depression and anxiety as well as being in an unhealthy relationship for two years, the icing fell on the cake and the weight continued to drop off. I would sit and say “I’m too small” because that’s what I hear now, even from the same people who told me I was fat and needed to lose weight. But, daily, I take pictures in the mirror, and I am falling in love with what I see. I lost 101 lbs., so I sit at a cool 124, I wear a size 6 bottoms, 34 E Bra (these tits aren’t going nowhere), and a small/medium shirt depending on the cut. And I am HAPPY! Happy because, I did this. I lost the weight, I didn’t need surgery. It was an option but one I chose to not take. I feel a different type of confidence when I walk out of the house now, despite the fact I really am still wearing my fat girl clothes, most have no idea what lies underneath.

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XL Shirt, 14 Skirt. 😦

I didn’t want to be the one taking and posting pictures, or “thirst traps” as they call it, but fuck that I look DAMN good, and it’s going to make 30 be so much better for me, because internally I am happy. I love what I see. I love how I feel. I love when people ask me what I did. It’s a LIFESTYLE CHANGE.

My mindset has gone from negative Nancy to positive Pattie. I have not one bad blood or bone in my body for anyone. I mean its bitches that don’t like me but that’s their problem because they don’t know me. YOU MISSING OUT BOO, I’M COOL AS FUCK SIS. I am happy again and I smile more than I cry. I have bad days but this was more than just weight loss for me. It was me finding myself, learning how to be unapologetically me. Learning my body and learning what works and what doesn’t. How eating certain foods caused triggers in my mood.

I’ve always been a sage burning, energy loving fool, but now that my mind, and body are aligned, my soul is happy. If I died today, I would be okay, because my soul has eternal happiness. Now how will I feel if I gain weight again? I don’t know. But I work my ass off to make sure it doesn’t. Seriously, I hate when I eat and my stomach is fat afterwards.

I’ll do another post with videos of the workouts I used during my weight loss. I will share recipes of meals I made that were both healthy and yummy as fuck and more detail of how I am maintaining myself now.

In total, I lost 101 lbs., sitting lovely at 124. Some say I’m too small, some say I’m just right. I say, thank you to the toxic relationships and people for giving me the drive I needed. I couldn’t have done it without you.

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Left: 225 (08/2015) Right: 124 (taken 9/2017)

 

Besos, my loves.
I did it!

30 Day Writing Challenge – Reshare

Ten things that make me really happy. Here goes. #1 Church. I love my church and I love the information that I soak up from the services. Every service that I attend always pertains to my life somehow. I love how I feel when I leave the church and it always helps me […]

via Day 1 Writing Challenge — Momentary Lapse Of Sanity

Baltimore Ceasefire

What started out as a one weekend event to silence the streets of Baltimore from gun violence, came the movement, Baltimore Ceasefire.

Being a Baltimore native, although I’m from the county, it’s heartbreaking when I log on to social media and see the Rest In Peace messages. Sadly, it’s kinda normal now. It’s normal to drive in the city where I now live and see balloons and teddy bears hanging on light posts or bus stop benches. Even worse, seeing candle light vigils being held almost weekly, because another soul has been lost. While death is apart of life, murder should never be normal. 

I initially became involved in helping in the community in 2015 when I along with many other women assisted and supported our strong, brave and TIRED men of Baltimore and the #300Men march North Ave, a road here in Baltimore that connects the east side to the west side. Men of Baltimore walked from the west side to the east and back and it was such an amazing experience! 300menna

The women provided snacks and hydration at check points. Some of us walked with, some of us drove. We all had a job to do and I never felt more important in my life! To be apart of that, is wow. *sigh*

Baltimore Ceasefire hosted its first #BaltimorePeaceChallenge August 4th -6th, and while we did unfortunately lose two lives, Trey & Donte, the weekend was filled with residents just showing love and being peaceful and it was beautiful. There were cookouts, pool parties like it was a big deal and of course the negative Nancy’s were like “told y’all it wouldn’t happen. Don’t know why you tried” let me tell you, while the goal was 0 and we had 2, compared to the multiple shootings and murders the weeks previously? I say it did SOMETHING and everyone involved did too and thus the birth of a movement #BaltimoreCeaseFire365!!!ceasefire

The movement is by the residents for the residents. It’s so much going on in our city and we are TIRED! Sometimes I can’t decipher if I’m hearing gunshots or fireworks and where I’m jumpy and getting to safety I’ll watch my neighbors just sit and carry on. NO!! #DontBeNumb. We have to spread love and positivity. Teach a better way to handle conflict! We HAVE to get this violence out of our streets.

The next Baltimore Peace Challenge is November 3rd – 5th and we are again just asking the community to get together and spread love and positivity. Kick of the holiday season right. 

The Silenced Woman will be hosting its own event in honor of the next Baltimore Ceasefire event. We will be hosting a coat/ hat and back to school drive on November 4th. All items donated will go to homeless and low income families so that we can get them through the winter but also assist with children getting through the rest of their school year. 

TSW will also be accepting donations of no more than $10 to go towards the purchases of these items. All items will be delivered to local homeless shelters and inner city schools. If you would like to donate please do so by clicking here. If you are local and would like to help, contact me at Ashleigh.TSW@gmail.com
 If you would like to host your own event or get more detailed information on how you can help, official Baltimore Ceasefire personnel can be reached @ Bmoreceasefire@gmail.com

Being apart of something that’s bigger than yourself is amazing. I know my purpose in life is to help and the whole idea of this makes my heart happy. Help me, help my city.

 

 

 

 

 

New Venture

Quick post guys! I am super excited to announce that I am a new writer / contributor for the National Black Guide Network and its Baltimore chapter, Baltimore Black.

I told yall, I wanted to build a network of resources, right? I am super excited. This puts me more in an activist role for my city, I can’t wait to share and contribute for them!

Check me out!! I’m doing shit! I can’t wait to bless even more readers with my sophisiratchetness. haha!

If you’re local and looking to expand check us out, Baltimore needs more writers!rihwek


Besos love bugs!


Ashleigh

 

Craving Companionship

saf.gifCan I just say again how much I abhor being single? Saturday night was one of the toughest nights for me. Even with writing Curving the Lonely Nights, and following my normal routine to stay on the path of ME, I actually found myself just in an insatiable mood. I found myself scrolling through my phone and text messages, debating. Thank God for Cruzan Rum and the shots I took prior, that sleep came right on time. I woke up Saturday morning about 6, I didnt fall asleep until the sun came up this morning, and here it is only 9:10 am and I am writing to you guys. Good Morning! I have always prided myself on being open, honest and transparent and I’m telling you its hard to move through life when the things you know you need most are not available to you.obsess.gif

I miss being held at night, but not that “I’m holding you just to hold you”, I miss that safe and secure feeling when being held. That feeling when you know your partners soul is as happy as yours is, in that very moment. I miss having someome to talk to after work, like physically talk to. I miss sex most of all. Such a stress reliver and work out all in one. I miss having someone to hang out with.  I cook, theres no one around but me to eat it. It sucks, a lot.

8257f37787b85190cec30961a66f3654Most people, when I say these things, like to refer back to the fact that “you just got out of a relationship” as if that’s any help. Am I not supposed to want what I want, because I haven’t been sinigle long enough? Am I not supposed to go make sure my needs and wants are satisfied because its “more to life”?  Just fuck the fact that the true needs and wants of my heart and soul had been neglected and ignored for the last few years. 

throwawayDating in 2017 is TRASH! Guys don’t want to date. They just wanna text you all day, fuck you and keep it moving. They don’t want anything more than a nut. It’s all in their aurora. For me, I hate the phone, truth be told. I hate holding my phone. I hate texting. I HATE talking on the phone because I have to all day at work. I’ve never been a person addicted to their phone unless I am unhappy in my surroundings and need to find a way to divert my anxiety flare up. So yes, vulnerable moment, if I am always on my phone when people are around, it’s really to calm my anxiety or whatever attitude is brewing. I’m just in a place of where I know what I want, I know what I need and I am tired of being patient. I am tired of waiting. I spent the last two years in love with a man who did not love me, properly. I don’t ask for anything, therefore I should have everything.

AG6NK_s-200x150.gifAfter Saturday, the ball game for me changes. It may be the reason why I suffer a little bit longer, but I just refuse to put my time or energy into anything that doesn’t satisfy me. I’m not changing who I am or dumbing down my wants and needs, and I’m not waiting for them to be handled at the hands of someone else. I’ve always been a go-getter. ALWAYS. I’ve always had that “see it, like it, get it” mentality. Moving forward from today, if I see it and I like it, I’ma get it. Can’t expect anything to happen by waiting and doing nothing. giphy

Time for me to get into action.

Happy Sunday lovers!

AN

 

So, You Want a Blogging Tip…

An awesome read! Def gonna take heed and try some of these things!

Damn, Girl. Get Your Shit Together.

Damn, Girl has been growing a bit fast. OK, scary fast.

My little three-month-old blog is reaching toward fifteen hundred followers and tens of thousands of views. Companies are starting to contact me about promoting their shit. Every blogger’s dream, right?

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But I am not writing this to brag. I am writing this because I’ve been getting dozens of emails asking for blogging tips… And apparently “day drinking” isn’t cutting it

So let me try and muster something better: Let’s start by knocking off that “I feel bad for promoting myself” shit.

I could tell you to “post pretty pictures” and “be patient” but those tips are everywhere and they are a lot easier than what you actually have to learn how to do:

As a blogger, you need to get comfortable with needing things. More than that, you need to get comfortable asking for those things that you need.

View original post 435 more words

But, I said what I said…

I never understood why when it comes to spending my money, I have to yell at people. As you notice, I am, we are moving into a whole different direction and I have been working really hard to update the layout, getting graphics and stuff done. A lot of stuff, I can do on my own but truthfully with two children and a full time job, it’s just easier to pay. poco

 

I solicited a company to create a media kit with the hopes of getting more promo popping for us. Like the idea I have for the blog and radio show is HUGE, and I am not in the mood to deal with obstacles that can be easily avoided, like doing what I’ve paid you to do. TSW, is written BY a black woman FOR black women. Now that doesn’t mean that if you aren’t black, I don’t want you because I do. But my blog and my brand represents my “sisters” and I. bey

The company sent me samples where there wasn’t a woman of color in the sample and when I asked for it to be changed, they mirrored the image and darkened the person who was in the original sample. Can we say pissed? Like, bruh, you couldn’t find a legit black person for my request? Instead, you play me and edited the image as if I am a dummy and wouldn’t notice the difference? Upon expressing that, I haven’t heard anything. I don’t know what that means but, it really plucked my nerves. dmbw

Simply put – I SAID WHAT THE FUCK I SAID! As the owner of this brand, this movement, this EVERYTHING, I have the right to be bitchy when you can’t bring my vision to life, right? Or is this God’s way of telling my lazy ass to make time and do the shit my self?

I would love to hear from you! Am I wrong or right? What would you do? Are you enjoying the blog?

Make sure to follow us on all our social media platforms. #TSWRadio, will air its first show 09/23. If you haven’t already, please download the link best appropriate to you and tune in. I cannot WAIT!issa

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The Movement…

TSW started out as just an online blog to vent and deal with life. I used the name the Silenced Woman because initially I wanted to write freely without pressure about issues I deal with as a woman. It just happens that as I was sharing with very close friends , they too agreed and basically told me I needed to un-silence my voice and speak. Having the platform to do so, my blog now averages about 200 views a day with a little over 100 visitors. My subscription email list is hosting close to 300. I’ve began to network and using TSW as a way to promote me and doing the things I want to do.

9/23 we will begin hosting a radio show on Crown Media Radio. Show will run Saturday and Sunday from 10pm-midnight. I want to use this opportunity to bridge with non-readers. I am looking for a co-host. I have a young lady in mind but prior issues are a roadblock but I’m working on trying to move through because I think this will be a great move for both of us.

Feel free to download the app best fit for you and tune in! Apple | Android

11/4 we will be hosting a coat and back to school drive, in honor of the upcoming Baltimore Ceasefire event. Nobody kill anybody 11/3-11/5/17. (More details to come). Our clothing items will be shared with low income and homeless families. As well as providing those children with supplies to get them through the rest of their school year.

I am super excited to get this all up and popping for real. I truly feel like my dreams are becoming a reality. I am also working to be fully financially invested with Black owned businesses. So if you can share with me where I can get my daily and life essentials, I’d appreciate it.
I am ready to create and build a network to help women who are silenced find their voices. I’ve done so and it’s AMAZING. It takes a village, even after we’re “grown”. Let’s recreate ours and help restore our communities, our families, our hearts.

**COAT & BACK TO SCHOOL DRIVE** if you are interested in donating or helping and are local please contact me @ Ashleigh.TSW@gmail.com.

If you are not local and would like to help, I am accepting cash donations of up to $10 @ TSW Coat Drive Donation.

As I’ve said – the transformation in my life required me to leave some people in my rearview, readjust some roles. But the blessings and be WINs I am getting is just humbling. I love y’all and thank you so much for the support.

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