Random Thoughts of Ashleigh Noelle

Tired of the Battle

Heyyyyy, My Loves!!!

Happy Wednesday! I hope that you guys are having an amazing week so far! My week is cool as hell for real. I’m so happy! I stopped working about six months ago and wanted to focus on my blog and my writing. But it didn’t take off the way I wanted, so I went and started applying for work again.

I got discouraged because every job I interviewed for told me “You’re a great asset, but you’re overqualified for this position.” or “We’re looking for longevity, and you have a lot of ambition.” Crushed because it’s like how can someone be overqualified? Would you rather hire underqualified? But I took it as a blessing in disguise because these were positions that I didn’t really want, it was more of an “I just need to get back to work”. Then, one of the jobs called me the other morning and asked me to come sub at the school for the day and I did. They loved me, the kids love me and now I’m back working full time.

This is big for me because, after my move and transition to Baltimore City, my love for healthcare kinda dwindled, but my love for mentoring and interacting with children grew. So I’m a permanent sub and thanks to my college credits, I get top pay! Ayeeee…

– B.A.E. Newz: –

Our group Silent Conversations is moving and shaking too. I’m behind on the YouTube, started working and lost my editing day. But we’re in the middle of a blizzard, I think, so I may get to it today.
Have you checked out #UnboundedMonday’s recap? I had the pleasure to fill in and co-host we had fun. Click here to listen to the show!

– Tired of the battle –

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a pretty chill person. I’ve always stayed to myself, I don’t start problems but, I always end up dealing with people who bring drama to me and it kinda sucks. I’ve taken some time to sit back and assess the issues or arguments I’ve had with people, and I’ve always noticed it’s been an issue of my intentions being misread, being involved with messy people, or someone’s got a crush and know there isn’t a chance in hell to make that come true.

My Dani-baby sent me this from Comedian Amanda Seales that talked about how therapy isn’t to prevent your crazy, but it’s to protect your sanity. I explained how I had a female who came at me for lying about being happy, cause “happy people don’t go to therapy” and “happy people, don’t have mental health issues”. My loves, when I tell you I was triggered as fuck!!! Simply because I know exactly how hard I’ve worked to get to this point in my life.

See, this same person, since I’ve “met” them, has always come at me for still believing in love, and believing that there are still some good men and women in the world. Would criticize the fact that I won’t allow my past experiences change my heart. The people closest to me have always commended me on how I continue to love and date as if I never been hurt. I’ll admit, my relationship history is trash, and while my heart was hurt and broken due to that, it was me who let them that close to hurt me.

We all know when something isn’t right. We all have that gut instinct, and we chose to ignore it. What needs to be accepted is that – that heartbreak can no longer be blamed on them. They do what they’ve been allowed to do, and thus the real heartbreaker is self. So instead of changing how I love, how I view the world and view men, I changed the men I dealt with. I trusted my guy more than my heart. I’ve dated a few guys and I’m still single because at some point they’ve thrown out a red flag and it caused a complete turn-off and I’d keep it moving.

I carry love in my heart for everyone, all the time. I can honestly say, I truly don’t hate or dislike, anybody. I don’t pay enough attention or care enough to dislike anybody, if I feel slighted, I’ll address it and keep it moving. But, I’m tired of the battle that forces me to explain myself or deal with backlash because people feel some type of way, for nothing.

I’m just tired of the ongoing battle of the world vs me. I’m tired of phony friends, fake support, and people who are too pussy to step to me and squash the invisible beef. I spend my time focusing on the good and the positive in my life, I refuse to be miserable and stuck in negative nancy land.

I read a quote the other day:

If you’re tired, that means the end is coming.

I hope that the end of this battle is near. But until then, my bubble of solitude is where I’ll stay. Doing my squats, drinking my water, and making sure my edges and my puff is on point. Taking care of my babies, and continuing to make boss moves as I been. My travel agency is booming, my blog is popping as always. I’m lit!!!

Y’all battling with anything? Let’s talk.

Until next time…
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