#TBHFridays Flirty 30 Transformation

#TBHF: 20’s Reflection

Heyyyyyyyyy, my loves!!! It’s Fri-yay!!

As always I hope that you guys had an AMAZING week, and have a bomb ass weekend planned. I am torn, it’s my last weekend of my 20-somethings and I’m feeling so much! So fucking much. Like my birthday is Tuesday, and I’m going to be 30.

Just gotta say that I thank God and the Universe for blessing me and keeping me close, I laugh about it now, but truthfully? I should’ve died February 16th, 2013, when my stupid drunk ass, passed out behind the wheel of my car and woke up to the bumper of my car on train tracks, and my front passenger tire in a ditch. But they say “God protects the babies and the fools”, so I’ll take being a fool that day.

With #Flirty30 breathing on my back, I figure I’d take this time to reflect back on the last decade of my life. Apparently, your 20’s is when you’re supposed to be living it up, learning lessons, as well as be cognizant of your future. I think I did the opposite, but I’m gonna share the lessons I learned and the highlight of that year.

20- I had just moved back home from my own space because I was pregnant with a deadbeats kid *eye roll*. I met my ex-husband, we’ll call him Rico (that’s actually his name lmfaooooo) while I was about 7 months. We started dating and planning our life together. Having my daughter that year, humbled me. I remember choosing to get my nails done over buying pampers and formula. Thankful that my mom and sister were there to help me adjust, and my ex. He loved and took care of my baby like she was his. But he was a marine and a whore so we went on a hiatus.

21- I was still at home, but had a really, really good job at a local hospital. I met this guy, let’s call him Keloid. He was the definition of #DevilDick, I almost caught my first charge, and I learned a lot about how far my loyalty goes, if it’s gonna land me in jail, I’m out.  Rico and I were not directly dealing at this time. Still in contact but I was still hurt from his shit before.

22- I had moved into my first townhouse in Dundalk. My daughter and I were doing good. Keloid and I had broken up because he kept cheating on me with his ex, who had one leg. At that time, even though my #GGF at the time, was on me about his dumb ass. It was that moment when my self esteem dropped, massively. Rico was in Afghanistan, and proposed to me over Skype while he was in Germany on a layover. When he came home, literally two days later I had a ring, he moved in and it was love.

23 – I got pregnant. The emotions I felt and went through were unreal. I was placed on zoloft for my anxiety and depression but it made me sick. I found Rico utterly disgusting. Besides his infidelities, it was our first time really living together and everything pissed me off. He never lived on his own, and lived like a man who never lived on his own, and yeah. So some things went down, and he had to go. We had an earthquake that year, and I had my son in September.

24 – was my thot year. I did what I wanted, who I wanted and that was that. I can’t recall anything I really learned that year, I honestly, can’t remember 2012.

25 – This year was cool, I was back home with my mom and was working as a office assistant for a surgeon. Making good money, saving up. My kids were good, I was good, and things were popping. Rico and I started to rekindle this year, and we got engaged on Christmas. My focus at that point was settling down and living the family life I always wanted.

26- Oh my god! I got married in April this year and a week later had major surgery to get my gallbladder removed. That was the only time outside of our sons birth I saw Rico phased. He stayed at the hospital by my side, which tugged my heart string. However, issues crept back up, and I officially washed my hands.

27 – was a horrible year. My mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer, and I found out March 2nd after I came home from my birthday trip. That was honestly the worst year for me. I had separated from Rico, and I thought I was going to lose my mom that year (only because until her, nobody I knew directly, had beaten cancer). I was hurt, exhausted and scared. That year I truly saw my strength.

28 – The highlight of this year was that I was able to go to Las Vegas for my birthday. The relationship I was in, was fine at first. Until I saw how broken Dude was, how much power his ex had over him, and I saw that they weren’t finished, no matter what his words said, his actions said otherwise. Instead, I tried to open up and express how I felt and why, but it always became ammo in arguments. A lot of manipulation and emotional trauma. He was another one I’ll call #DevilDick. It was this year I learned to trust my gut and that it’s ok to say “shit aint right, IDK why, but I’m not doing this”.

29 – A lot of life happened this year. Things got physical between Dude and I. We went our separate ways and even though I was hurt because I loved him, taking the blinders off I learned he never loved me. I learned that people will be envious, no matter what. I learned that I’m always gonna be under the microscope of those who are jealous. Most importantly, I learned to love myself.

Life comes at you fast. These last 10 years have been some years for me!! LAWDDDD, with the exception of my last situationship, I don’t regret anything. I traveled, I created a family, I got married. I did music. I did radio. I followed my fucking dreams. Now, it’s time to apply pressure on this writing, this music, and these businesses. I made the decision to stop punching a clock in September, and do my own thing. Now, I will say, being an entrepreneur is hard, but it’s worth it. The peace of mind I feel is amazing. It’s ONLY up from here!

SN: I never did my wishlist, but if you’d like to bless me for my birthday, I love gift cards or drop me sumn in my cashapp!

Until next time…
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