Random Thoughts of Ashleigh Noelle

#MeToo

If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me Too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

It truly broke my heart, seeing so many women on my timelines across my social media platform post their stories. Some just wrote me too, some actually wrote out the events. I wrote and shared a poem (My Truth). It’s insane almost, that so many women have been violated, and it breaks my heart that a lot of men don’t realize how trash they are. It’s like there’s some type of entitlement to our bodies they want to possess in every aspect and its nerve wrecking.

Before the movement started, I posted that I feel like I shouldn’t post selfies anymore. img_7109Why? Because where men see it as “thirst trappin”, I don’t. Most, don’t know how insecure I was when I was bigger, and now that I am smaller, I am happier and I love what I see. I posted this picture, and deleted it, because guys popped up in my DMs with the shits. I got so many messages of “I want you” or “Trappin aint dead” or “look at them titties”, and I deleted the picture. I say with pride and complete honesty, it’s very rare, and I post pictures seeking that kind of attention. Simply because, I don’t like it. I’m a rape survivor. It makes uncomfortable.

With posting Rape Culture, I’ve really began to look at the male species in a different light and I don’t like them. I’ve gotten to the point where, if I want you, you’ll know, but getting that attention that I don’t want from people I don’t like really has begun to fuck with me.

My body is mine, it’s not yours.

On my radio show, I talked briefly about Amber Rose’s Slut Walk, and where everyone saw it as a problem it’s not. Street harassment and slut shaming are so real, and I feel like as a black woman, it’s worse for us because men are very disrespectful. But in my opinion, rape and molestation runs so much deeper, dating back to slavery. This is not new.

Women are constantly oversexualized and although we are the victims, we are always the first suspect. I read so many posts today where women stated that upon reporting their unwanted encounters, the first question they were asked was “what did you do, to make this happen?” or they were told “If you dressed a little better and covered up, this wouldn’t have happened.” I was told the other day “well you have your cleavage out in the picture, you’re sending off the come fuck me vibe”. Pause. Have you ever been in a situation where, you were the victim and became the suspect, and it became a shaming session of how YOU could’ve prevented this, instead of our perps being able to control themselves?

It’s insane and let’s be honest, men get raped too. But society deems them as being weak for talking about it or reporting it. Just like they do when men are abused by their lovers. Victims don’t always get to speak up, because sometimes they don’t make it out alive to tell their stories. Survivors, often are still victimized because while we made it, the trauma experienced, the silenced voice, or the fear of not being believed allows their captives to have power over them. Rape is too common to be pushed to the side, and it blows me so much when there are some people who will lie and cry rape, making it hard for people like me.

It’s been 21 years for me, and I still to this day battle. I don’t go to family functions, because the idea of running into those people, flares my anxiety. Seeing them, flares my depression. I hate the winter, because it reminds me of the day I tried to tell. It reminds me of the multiple ass whoopin’s I got that day, when I tried to say “Your child rapes me”. But what hurts the most, is she knew. She knew, because she walked in, and saw it. She knew, because she made me swear on the bible, that she didn’t see what she thought she saw. She knew. I pride myself and bust my ass to make sure little girl keeps her innocence, to a point, I’m actually jealous. I’m jealous because while my 9 year old can sit comfortably and play with Barbie’s, I at 9 years old, didn’t have such luxury.

I’ve experienced sexual harassment even at work. I was 16 working at a Taco Bell, told my GM that one of her managers had inappropriate conversations about how he wanted to fuck me. A grown ass man in his 30’s, and instead of firing or reprimanding him, she told him my complaints, and it made my experience there hell until I finally decided to quit. That is something that should’ve never happened. Had another guy, when I was 23 working at an Applebee’s, push me into the meat freezer, and pushed up on me. I finally told the GM, and was told “You probably liked it, I see how you smile at him”, smh which was never the case. But that’s what happens when we tell, very rarely does it get handled, there’s always an excuse or we’re somehow chastised and the blame. I love this #MeToo movement, but it’s sad. So many are hurting and are being vocal, and there are so many more, suffering in silence. We have a nation that needs healing. We have a shit ton of broken people walking around, dealing with this. We have to stand together, and make sexual harassment and sexual assault non-tolerable

There’s a special place in hell or sexual predators, and I hope all of mine, are or will reside there in agony. I won’t keep suffering and living in silence. This is my truth, #MeToo.

Besos, my loves.

***We are raising money to apply for our trademark, copyright, non-profit, our coat/school supply drive and Orgasms & Pancakes, which will be a panel discussion on teaching young women how to protect their sexual energy.. If you would like to donate, please do so by clicking here***

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5 comments

  1. I hear you, Most recently posts on the news facing with double Emma Thompson like a me too commentary, Those whom had truth – posts ”kept clean” stream up often. Realizing instead of blame– Tricky men find happiness within Stranger Then Fiction – faint words (code-black) well known.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Who on earth do these men think they are sending you crude trash messages like that because you post a selfie. You should be able to take pride in this body you have fought for, this body that has overcome rape and abuse. You GET to post a selfie and demand respect. Don’t let these idiots who have not been taught basic manners and respect of women to shut you down! Post your selfies and block all of those jerks. You deserve to shine!

    Liked by 1 person

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