Random Thoughts of Ashleigh Noelle

Outsiders: They’re not always haters


Depending on who’s lurking, this post might ruffle some feathers but I don’t give a fuck!

If you’ve been following, I write a lot. Most of what I write is raw, real shit that I’ve been through. One of the things I wrote the most about was Papa my ex, and how the world just seem to hate us, and wanted to tear us apart and I couldn’t understand why.

Well, I woke up and I am no longer dick dizzy baby and its crazy how, I didn’t see anything that I was told about my ex. I didn’t believe the things I heard, until my blinders came off. I will say, had I not been so stupid, lonely or pressed for a person who I thought loved me, the heartache and pain I’ve gone through since he stepped foot in my life, would’ve never happened.

Basically in a nutshell, I learned that – the people that he convinced me were haters, actually weren’t. They were actually concerned for me, my safety and my wellbeing. I didn’t appreciate the methods used, I felt betrayal, but now being on the outside looking back, I understand why they acted the way that they did, and I apologize for being stupid. Like really stupid, I was super dumb stupid.

Our friends and families, see what we don’t see and even though they are outsiders of love, their input may not always be hate. I’ve learned, if you hear something, more than once, the same way, from multiple people, eh you might want to investigate and I learned that if a simple question, creates turmoil with the accused, guess what…50In love, as much as I used to preach to tunnel in on love and let love happen, my last relationship taught me you can’t. Just because you love and care for someone, doesn’t mean they have to be with you. If you aren’t getting what you need and want, you gotta walk away and get it from elsewhere. I did it, and it hurt like fuck but seriously the smiles, and love, attention and affection I am getting now, is out of this world, compared to the lows, and misery I felt in a place my heart one called home.

A few other things I learned:

  1. Your family and friends see what you don’traven
    1. During my relationship, I cut ties with a lot of people who were not team us. The type of relationship and life I want, mutual love is important. If you seriously have to keep your love/home life separate from your family and friend life, walk away. Unless that is what you prefer, but it’s hurtful to hear “You can come, alone.” no matter if the invite is extended to you and not them, or extended to them and not you. I personally want to do everything with my love. EVERYTHING. You invite me, you’re inviting us. If he couldn’t go, I wouldn’t go. I don’t know if that was the same on his end, but I know I missed a lot simply because of that stipulation.
  2. Don’t ignore the signstenor
    1. Ultimately when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I personally feel that when someone is mad at you, the things they say and do, are truly a reflection of how they feel about you. Mad or not, I’ve never been the type to be disrespectful, I don’t yell and fuss. I try to get my point across, with as few tears as possible. Just because someone is angry, doesn’t mean they can’t control themselves or their mouth. They can, they just don’t want too, and what you allow will continue and at that point, it becomes your fault for accepting it.
  3. If there’s drama, just go.tr
    1. Its not worth it. When my ex and I started dating, I got so much shit from people. I mean a lot just from character assignations to him, bunch of drama regarding his ex, and his friends. It was crazy. I’ll be honest, it created so much tension between us. I didn’t get the chance to truly enjoy this man, because from the minute people put two together, turmoil started. You can only block out so much and when you are truly passionate about something, as I was with him, it affects you. But now that its over, I see all the answers to all my questions.

justinI condemned my outsiders as haters and they didn’t deserve that, I truly apologize and I do wish that I could rekindle those relationships but honestly I don’t even know what to believe. I wish that I would’ve taken heed and paid more attention, but its a lesson learned. I wish I would’ve walked away when things started to feel wrong instead of staying and being played with. My prayer was “lord if this is not the man for me, remove him” and every time, he did.
3471615_origOne more time, for the culture!

and to the other person who endured hurt during this, I’m sorry and I wish you all the love and happiness your heart desires. jh



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