I’ve finally made my decision, for myself. I am embarking down the road of celibacy. I am super excited because I know exactly why I’m doing this, who I’m doing this for and my anticipated outcome.
First lemme update you – I’m single. Been trying to rekindle with my ex, but he honestly has me so confused. He says one thing, his actions say something else. Ultimately, I’m gonna believe what his mouth has said. He told me focus on me, and everything else will fall in to place. So, sex BYE!
A while back, I asked my ex – when do you know its time to move on and he said “when you can roll over and ask ‘what else does this person bring to the table?’ is an indication its time to move on.” He’s right! Seriously. I used to think that people couldn’t wake up and just be like ‘fuck this I’m done” BUT THEY CAN! My last two relationships, while I loved both men with everything, I walked away with nothing. I walked away hurt, more debt, more scars, more tears and more fears. I feel like the basic desires, needs and wants of a woman were not met. I woke up this morning just over it.
For me – I know I’m a great catch. A little bit more emotional than your average woman, but my love is real. I ride, hard as fuck. I don’t ask for anything more than time, attention and loyalty. Ride for me like I ride for you. I know what I bring to the table, the whole damn thing! So now, I am at a point of – what can you do for me?
I feel like if I can’t call a man or text ‘hey I’m short on funds until pay, spot me $20’, I don’t need to be fucking. If I can’t depend on him or expect him to be there for me as I am for him, in any way shape or form, I don’t need to be fucking. If I am stranded on the side of the road, and he not the first man I call, I don’t need to be fucking him! If he’s gotta ‘see what’ he ‘can do’, I don’t need to be fucking.
During my reassessing, I’ve learned I’d been giving my bomb ass kitty to men who really don’t deserve it, and it stops, now. As a woman who asks for nothing, I deserve everything. I love flowers, haven’t gotten any in two years, asked for some, only to be referenced to as a gold digger when I asked. The men I dated, treated me how they did because I allowed them, maybe they were right, I didn’t know my worth. Oh, but I am learning! I kept pushing off celibacy because I didn’t want to lose my relationship. But, why keep saving something that does nothing but bring me nuts and tears? I need and want more, but in order for my flower to grow its gotta be properly taken care of, and it hasn’t been for 9 years. Good moments, but they never last long.
I want forever, and I’m ready for forever. But I need more than good sex and a cuddle buddy. Support and motivate. Don’t play about me. Don’t have me looking stupid. If I don’t like that bitch, that bitch gotta go and vice versa.
Anyway, this is gonna be exciting and fun. I’ll document about it as well.
Thanks for reading!