Random Thoughts of Ashleigh Noelle

Why I walked away from my safety net…

Hey guys. So I’ve been debating this post because the original reason for it wasn’t for me but now it is. Have you ever had or been the safety net for a lover? The one who runs back or you run to when you realize it really isn’t shit out here in this world. Have you tried to get back only to find that you (the crutch) have been replaced? Have they felt some type of way when they noticed they were? What happened?! See for me – I have been the net and I have been the crutch. It’s so much better having the upper hand. But I wanna talk about why I walked away.

When my ex-husband and I got together he, at the time, was cooler than the cool side of the pillow. I loved him and cherished him, until he hurt me. We went through the normal couple shit, well what I deemed normal, break up to make up. He’d get caught up in some shit, I’d leave him for a few a few months and do my own thing, and would run back to him. At that time he gave me everything I wanted, I was convinced he was my end all be all. I would fool around with men and tell them that the minute he got his shit together our affair would’ve been over. Problem is he never got it together, for me. Now, he’s got it and I hope it’s because losing me was worth the change so that he can be a better man to another woman. Our cycle was toxic, I was the girl who was confident and secure, I’m very free spirited and chills, always go with the flow. But with him, came insecurity and my confidence dropped. I truly felt like I wasn’t enough woman for him and I was young. We met when I was 20, and we were together for almost 7 years. 

My ex had a problem, he couldn’t keep his dick offline! At first, I allowed certain people to convince me that it was okay as long as it wasn’t physical and that I shouldn’t worry about it, but I did. To search his online alias and see his peen pop up on google was indescribable. When I caught him, he’d fuss and say it wasn’t him or he don’t know how it got there. Which we all knew was full of shit, a woman can always pick her mans penis out, trust meeeeeee. But as I grew older, I realized I’m pretty dope as fuck! I did so much to keep him that in walking away, I realized I needed and wanted more than what he was selling me, so I walked away, late but I did.  

Our history was breakup and makeup. So in the first 6 months after we separated, the men I had dated, were more fulfilling to my desires but not necessarily my needs. He could no longer be the person I ran back to because I realized in that time, I don’t have to settle for mediocrity. I didn’t have to settle for a man who disrespected me and took advantage of my heart and love. Ladies (and gentlemen, if you’re reading), there truly is someone out here willing to give you everything and more, so don’t settle for “right now”.

What I learned during that was -I couldn’t truly move on and experience love the way I wanted to with him in my pocket. I wouldn’t have been able to fall in love or fall hard for any other person because I truly believed he was my end all be all. Ultimately when someone shows you who they are, believe them. If they don’t set your soul on fire, let them go. Life is too short to be fake loved and too short for bad sex (haha).

But seriously, if you’re holding on for any selfish reason, you doing yourself a disloyalty. Being the crutch, you feel like you’re not being loyal to them. It was hard dating at first because although I said it was over, I felt like I was being unfaithful. I wouldn’t let anybody close because I just knew he was gonna get it together and come home the changed man I needed, but he didn’t. When I finally decided to completely let go, it was about a year after we separated. I met someone new, fell in love and the rest was history. Was it worth it? Absolutely. But I’ve also learned to not be that complacent with anyone, so this time around things are a little different. 

What else I can say is – when you are the safety net, just because they return doesn’t mean that’s where they want to be. Make sure the love is genuine and not for convenience.

Talk to me, are you the safety net or crutch?


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