Is it possible to love someone too much? How much is too much? I was sitting in the car a while back with my love and Facebook’s “On this day” had reminded me that a year ago that day, our love affair started. I remember it like yesterday, almost every detail and he asked me “why do you remember all this?” and my typical response “because I care, duh” and his rebuttal “or you’re a psycho”.
Psycho? Because I love him? In my head I’m like maybe if one of these bitches in your past really loved you, maybe my love wouldn’t seem crazy.
I mean, what else could it be right? We often find ourselves into shouting matches and for him sometimes it’s a reminder of his past “you’re doing the same shit SHE used to do”. Cue eye roll, teeth smack, followed with, bitch, LOL!!! But of course, once we’ve calmed down and visited our collective corners, we come back we sit and talk and then I can piece it together. Often, I feel like he doesn’t see that I truly act out of love. Even if it goes terribly wrong, my intentions are never malicious.
I’m an extreme optimist, I believe the unbelievable when the believers no longer believe. I see potential and life into everything around me and because of that, I cling and I hold onto them. Ultimately blinds me in friendships and relationships, because while they are showing me who they are, and I can admit, EYE SEE IT, if my spirit tells me there’s more, it’s hard for me to accept the reality. But thats the Piscean in me, as my love says.
So how do you move forward? I often find myself in drama because I’ve completely misunderstood people’s points or perspectives. I am a mystery – people know of me, but not many can say that they KNOW me. Those closest to me know, I am an overly emotional wreck that just wants peace and love throughout the world. It’s stressful some days because I am different from most of my peers. Sometimes the things they hate most are the things I love the most about myself, forgiving, loving, hopeful. Sometimes the things they love most are the things I hate about myself, how I handle stress when I’m fed up, my strength, my drive.
Anyway, in this last year with Papa (he’s a man of many nicknames, lol), I’ve learned a lot. Maybe it’s no such thing as loving someone too much BUT here’s some ways you can help offset
It’s ok to be clingy, but…
- They need their space. I know, I know your lover is probably full of awesomesauce but give them their space. Don’t text them all the time, don’t always expect long and drawn out conversations. Granted its nice, but you gotta give them a chance to miss you.
- For me, space is when the work day. I can’t be all in his face and vice versa. Some days I’m in his phone heavy sometimes I’m not. I follow his textual language to determine if he’s in the mood to talk or if this is one of those ‘hey just checking in, i love you see you when i get home’. Which is fine for me because ultimately, when I get home *air pumps*.
Don’t sweat the hate brigade
- Basically, let the haters hate. Let ya lover’s hating ass ex, hate. Let them throw their shade, let them do them, the best way they know how to. After all, you’re in the place they used to shine, and they either want it back or they mad because they just mad. Do not allow that to deter you from what you got with your love. Do not allow that to shape your relationship.
- For me, it took a while to learn this. Between mutual people of me and my loves ex doing that hearsay mess (no receipts? It didn’t happen), whatever the case may be, learn to not react, and don’t let the world know your home isn’t happy. Arguing with bae? E-mail me. Remember, YOU forgive, your friends and family, DON’T!
Find something to do, for you.
- Look, get a hobby, okay? It’s simple. I know, you wanna be up under bae every day, all day. Or maybe that’s just me, but don’t forget you while you’re in love. We tend to do that, put us to the side, and become all about our lover, but what happens when you break up? Who are you?
- For me, I’m boring. I live a boring life, I go to work, I come home. Might hit happy hour, or grab a bottle of wine and chill inside. I get excited about being in a relationship because it’s one person in my space that I cannot get enough of. I always wanna be around, wanna hug, touch, sniff, whatever but then I realized all the things I used to do, I stopped because I devoted all my time to him, and he didn’t ask me, I did it on my own. I don’t regret it, but am working on separating my personal from my relationship, because ultimately, it cannot be my end all be all, life just doesn’t work that way
Pick and choose your battles
- I cannot say this enough. When in love, your guards are down, your emotions are high and the minute you think somebody is about to play with you, here comes the war. But it’s ok to not react. Sometimes non-reaction is a reaction. Try and take time to see, is it really worth it? Sometimes, you gotta put that pride to the side and say “hey, I messed up. Let’s fix it”
- For me – I battle with this. Bae will tell you, I fuss about everything and I am beyond sure he is sick of it. We fight about it and his biggest thing is ‘stop reacting to everything, you giving the people what they want’. I had to sit back and assess. Granted if something is bothering me, it will be addressed. However, the method of addressment will always determine your outcome. Calm down, assess the situation and then come up with a plan of action. Shooting from the hip never works, trust me.
That’s about all I have for you today. I hope this helps. You’ll read more about my love life. The new age dating and these new age expectations are not what I was raised for. Learn with me and from me. Until next time, peace & blessings.