Am I hurting myself, now?

I feel like the things I want aren’t big or extravagant. I don’t really ask for much and what I do ask for I feel I should get it with no problem hands down, but I don’t. Ideally my life could just be so much better. I am unhappy in every aspect of my life where I have to deal with other people, work, home.  I’ve noticed my car rides to work and home, because I am alone are what I look forward too the most now.

Why? Because for myself I am enough. For myself, I am funny, entertaining and cool to be around. For myself, I can be myself. I can be silly. I can cry. I can be mad. I can do whatever I want, alone and be at peace. I hate distancing myself, shutting down or guarding up to people, especially those who I love, but I feel like I’m left no choice a lot of time.

Nobody takes care of me but me. I can never allow myself to be in a position where I need to depend on anybody, because there’s no one there. I’m the lifeline to many, there’s none for me.

At what point will I care more about me than I do about love, family and friends? The life I want will be the life I’ll never have, what’s the purpose of living?

Maybe I just am hurting myself now.

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